Mother Taught Me

Today is the day. Mother's Day. This is some tongue-in-cheek humor. Feel free to laugh. And show it to your mother.

My mother taught me to appreciate a job well done:
“If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside – I’ve just finished cleaning!”

My mother taught me religion:
“You’d better pray that stain will come out of the carpet.”

My mother taught me about time travel:
“If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you right into the middle of next week!”

My mother taught me logic:
“Because I said so, that’s why.”

My mother taught me foresight:
“Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.”

My mother taught me irony:
“Keep laughing and I’ll give you something to cry about.”

My mother taught me about the science of osmosis:
“Be quiet, close your mouth, and eat your supper!”

My mother taught me about contortionism:
“Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck!”

My mother taught me about stamina:
“You’ll sit there until all that spinach is finished.”

My mother taught me about weather:
“It looks as if a tornado swept through your room.”

My mother taught me how to solve physics problems:
“If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming towards you, would you listen to me then?”

My mother taught me about hypocrisy:
“If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times: don’t exaggerate!!”

My mother taught me the circle of life:
“I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.”

My mother taught me about behavior modification:
“Stop acting like your father!”

My mother taught me about envy:
“There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do!”

Okay. So it wasn't said quite like that every time, but maybe you get the point.

In between all this, my Mother taught me how to live! Thank you, Mom, for all I have learned these years. Best Wishes for Mothers Day! I love you!