Tacos and Influence

Sometimes simple lessons of life are learned from simple expressions of children. The year was 1988. It happened at meal time when my second son was about five years old. The meal being served was tacos. Since I was the parent at hand, I asked a simple question about how he might like his tacos prepared. His simple response went like this: "I don't want mine right now. First, I want to see how you fix yours, Daddy."

At that moment, a rather profound, but maybe simple, thought flashed into my mind like neon lights. The power of influence. Nobody lives to themselves and nobody dies to themselves. Not even Dad when fixing tacos.

However limited or extended our contact is with somebody else, we are constantly exerting an influence, whether good or bad. By what we do and say, by how we act and react , we are impressing or depressing other people. Since all of life, including unconscious influence, will be judged by God, we ought to be concerned about our influence. That should be a given.

It is entirely possible for our actions to be misread, and our influence can be negative even though our intentions were good. Someone may hear a snatch of our innocent conversation and jump to a wrong conclusion, while the whole conversation would have created a different impression and response. So, influence should really be weighed by the whole scope of our lives.

This does not mean that brief contacts are unimportant at all. Much of our life is filled with fleeting associations with others. Whoever it is that we meet, however brief or extended the meet may be, we should aim at being genuinely Christian.

It should be remembered that influence is not the same as image. It's a fact that some people are concerned about their friendships because they want to project some kind of an acceptable image. Image is just a misnomer because all it's good for is to show something that a person is really not. Trying to sell yourself as a bar of gold when you're just a block of brass doesn't work very well in the long run. Somebody will eventually figure it out.

It is a lesson that needs to be learned. We should never aim to gull people in order to take advantage of them. We should never pretend to be better Christians than we really are. We should never pretend to be more holy than we really are. What we should be doing is actually quite simple. In all the going-ons with the "somebodies" in our life, we should be accepting, loving, understanding, forgiving and encouraging people to find "the Way." I say that only then does influence really make a difference.

And to think - a simple lesson from a five year old son getting ready to watch his Dad fix tacos - reminded me again about the power of influence. It's stayed with me all these years. That's the way life is - little things are important, even influence. But the end result of influence is never small or insignificant. It lends itself to every relationship of our lives - yes, even when preparing tacos around the kitchen table at family meal time.

It's not about image - it's about influence. And yes, you can believe that every time I fix and eat tacos, I think about influence and wonder who's watching me. I might just be having some influence on someone for life - in ways that I don't even know.

Bad to Better

Everybody knows they are inevitable. Bad days happen to everyone. For once, maybe you'd like to think about some things you can do to make them better. So, here goes.

1. Play with a child. I dare you.

2. Give someone a compliment. Not a fake one, either. But take the time to see something that someone else is doing well.

3. Sing in your car. Even if you don't think you can carry a tune in the bucket. Well, remember you're not singing in the bucket - you're singing in your car. And sing as loud as you can. Have you ever noticed how hard it is to frown while you are singing? If you don't like singing in the car, try singing in the shower. It always sounds good - if not better.

4. Read Philippians 4. That happens to be in the Good Book - the Holy Bible. And while you are at it, just think about where Paul, the writer, was while he was writing it. Hint: He was in prison.

5. Bake your favorite kind of cookies. Then eat some. Nobody will know the difference.

6. Count your blessings. I mean it. Start a list of all the things you are thankful for. Write until you can’t write anymore. Staple it to the wall. Or tape it to the refrigerator.

7. Watch people. Go find a crowded public area, anywhere, and then sit down and watch. Allow yourself to wonder what he ate for breakfast, or what her name is, or where he bought that shirt.

8. Do something for someone you love. Do the dishes for your wife, take your niece out for ice cream, take your mom to Starbucks for a coffee.

9. Pray. It’s #9 on the list because you expected it to be #1. What could be more encouraging than talking to the Creator of the universe?

10. Think of the most encouraging person you know and call them. But don’t complain. Refrain from telling them how bad your day is and focus on making their day better.

11. Write a letter. A good old-fashioned paper and ink letter. Bonus: write it to someone who has impacted your life and thank them and let them know how much you appreciate their role or impact in your life. It might just surprise you what might happen.

12. Remember the truth. That God causes all things to work together for GOOD (Romans 8:28).

And after all this, it might be that your day will go from better to best. What a nice exchange for just a little bit of extra effort.

On How to Be Kind

Smile.

Crack a joke.

Help the carry out person wrangle a couple stray carts. Write a real paper and pen note to a former teacher telling them what you learned from them. Call your parents and tell them you noticed how much smarter they got after you went to college.

Hold the door for someone.

Let the person behind you go ahead of you in line…even if they have more items than you do. Volunteer to take someone to the airport – and pick them up when they return. Don’t go through the shirt pile at Target like a hog rooting for truffles…find your size and stack the rest neatly back. Pay attention to body language – if the words say “I’m fine” and the face says, “I’m not fine”, ask what’s wrong. Then listen.

Develop eyes for the “invisible people”…they are created in the image of God.

Hold someone’s hand.

Send someone in need an anonymous gift card with a note, “God will never let you down.” Don’t go slow in the fast lane. Help someone change a tire. Pull your kids close, look them in the eye and say, “I wouldn’t trade you for the world. I am so proud to be your Dad/Mom.” Go to the nursing home and give Gladys and Lily a makeover while you ask them about the good old days.

Tell your neighbor not to buy a new lawnmower…he can use yours anytime he wants.

Love your wife. Respect your husband. Cherish your children. Offer your God-given talents to the church and community. Make the cashier at WalMart laugh. Hug. Visit someone in the hospital. Clean up your mess.

Own your mistakes. Say “I’m sorry.”

Forgive.

Invite someone to church. Pass along the magazine article that made you smile. Gather your friends in crisis and host a “Life is Hard But God is Good” party – 30 minutes of crying and complaining followed by two hours of laughing and reminding one another that the joy of the Lord is your strength. Smile and say “thank you” and make eye contact when you do.

Ask someone, “How can I pray for you?”

Then pray.

Share a beautiful photo. Give an I-Tunes gift card with a note, “Buy the music that speaks to your heart.” Stop being grouchy. Compliment other people’s kids. Show up at someone’s door with a decadent chocolate cheesecake. (And don’t forget the coffee.) Read to your children. Give someone a roll of quarters for the car wash. Be a surrogate Mom/Dad, Grandpa/Grandma to a college student from out of state. Take out the trash without being asked. Post your child’s artwork on the refrigerator.

Leave a big tip.

Be patient with your kids.

Buy a bag of groceries for someone, put them on the step and do a “ring and run” (it’ll be a rush and you’ll feel like a kid again.) Rake leaves for an elderly person who wishes they could but can’t. Give a single parent a break by entertaining their kids for an evening. Pay compliments to those who least expect it…”Something I always notice when I come here is how clean it is. Thanks for scrubbing those restrooms. You do a great job.”

Make those who feel insignificant feel significant. Make those who feel unloved feel loved. Call out the obvious talent you see in someone and spur them to develop it.

Stop being prideful. Apologize.

Call a long lost friend in another state, tell them to go outside and look at the same moon while you talk about old times.

Play a practical joke. Make a memory.

Be thankful.

Be grateful.

Live your life as a gift to God.

Point people to Jesus.

And remember - it's not really all that hard to find ways to be kind. It's sort of like that little girl who prayed, "God, make all the bad people, good. And all the good people, nice."

Have a Son Shine day!

“This is the message you heard from the beginning: We should love one another.” - 1 John 3:11

A Little I've Lived and Learned

When I first started my blog spot, not all that long after my 50th birthday, I posted some things I've learned. Well, I'm still learning. Seeing that I am now bumping very soon to my 51st birthday, I thought it might be time to add to that list. So here goes - for whatever it's worth to you.

The seventeenth century English clergyman Thomas Fuller wrote, "If you have knowledge, let others light their candle from it." I do think my candle burns with a lively flame. I invite you to light your candle from mine. By holding them together, we'll illuminate our own path as well as signal a direction for those who follow.

1. I've learned that the greatest challenge of life is to decide what is important and to disregard everything else.
2. I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to the best others can do, but to the best you can do.
3. I've learned that the best thing about growing older is that now I don't feel the need to impress anyone.
4. I've learned that education,experience, and memories are three things no one can take away from you.
5. I've learned that if your life is free of failure, you're probably not taking enough risks.
6. I've learned that how people treat me is more a reflection of how they see themselves than how they see me.
7. I've learned that you can't please some people, no matter what you do.
8. I've learned that if you wait until all conditions are perfect before you act, you'll never act.
9. I've learned that the best advice you can give anyone is, "Be kind."
10. I've learned you always find time to do the things you really want to do.
11. I've learned that you should fill your life with experiences, not excuses.
12. I've learned that there are some things I haven't made up my mind about yet.
13. I've learned that you never get rewarded for the things you intended to do.
14. I've learned that you shouldn't speak unless you can improve on the silence.
15. I've learned that I still have a lot to learn.

Oh yes, and one more: Number 16. I've learned that drinking a Diet Coke doesn't make up for the candy bar I enjoyed earlier.

You gotta love it. Live and learn.

That Amazing Thing Called Encouragement

It happened to me twice last week.

Both times completely unexpected.

One from a friend. One from a stranger.

Both times brought a few tears to my eyes.

Handwritten notes of appreciation and encouragement.

When is the last time you were on the receiving end of genuine encouragement? Isn’t it a wonderful mix of good feelings? Someone noticed. Someone cares. Someone took time to say so. Encouragement validates us. We are worth something. We have a place in the world and in the lives of others. Encouragement invigorates us going forward. We press on, this time with more purpose and renewed commitment. Because someone cared enough to say we’re making a difference.

In my Grandparent’s day, a handwritten note was the preferred method of communicating appreciation, if only because they didn’t have our technology. Today we have phone, email, text, electronic greeting cards and, if all else fails, face to face conversations. I still think a handwritten note is the best. Whether the handwriting is good or not, there is something special about a handwritten note. Thoughts expressed with ink on paper feel more intimate than laser printed Ariel 12-point font. Handwriting is an expression of personality. And it takes more thought, more care, to pen a letter. Perhaps that’s what makes it special.

Just this week, I sat down and sent handwritten thank you notes to some people I needed to thank, even if it does take them a little longer to make sure they rightly decipher my scrawl.

The medium isn’t as important as the message. Phone, note or card, are you encouraging people on a daily basis? If not, why not?

The beauty of encouragement is that it can’t be overdone. Encouragement is the Vitamin C of relationships; you can’t give too much of it and the receiver can’t overdose on it. And like Vitamin C, none of us get enough of it.

Pull up your contact list on your cell phone or Blackberry. Guaranteed that every one of those people would be blessed to have you call and say, “I just wanted you to know I appreciate your friendship.” If someone called you and said that, how much better would your day be?

As much as the people in your life need to hear your appreciation, the beauty of encouragement is that it is not contingent upon relationship. You can encourage a total stranger.

I was sitting in a Pizza Hut and was waiting for my food. While waiting, I happened to glance away to my left and noticed some people with heads bowed. It was irresistible. I waited until they finished and stepped over to acknowledge what I knew they had just done - they had prayed - and in a public setting at that. My simple acknowledgment of their Christian faith in public display brought some smiles to their faces and a friendly exchange of our common faith and belief. In the end, they became more than a total stranger - we shared a common spirit of faith. And their final words to me were this, "Thanks for the encouragement."

That simple exchange was between people who had never met but the end result was a mutual encouragement. Which raises an important point.

The best time to encourage is always “now”. Not “later”. Do it now when it comes to mind. Do it now while you’re thinking about it. Do it now, when the person crosses your mind. Do it now when you observe someone hurting. Do it now when you see someone who deserves to be recognized for their efforts. Do it now when you think about the person who helped you become the person you are. Do it now.

We spend so much time on tasks that really don’t matter. Much of what we do could be put off indefinitely. Cleaning the garage can always wait. Encouragement should never be procrastinated. Encouragement should always be done now.

Simply put, we never know how many opportunities we’ll have to encourage people.

Do it now.

William Ward said,
"Flatter me, and I may not believe you.
Criticize me, and I may not like you.
Ignore me, and I may not forgive you.
Encourage me, and I will not forget you."

Now, go make someone's day.

Gospel or Religion?

Here's a very insightful comparison between “religion” and “the gospel” drawn from the sermons of Tim Keller (Senior Pastor of Redeemer Presbyterian Church in Manhattan). Don't hold that Presbyterian stuff against him, though. Tim actually does a remarkable job of probing hearts and revealing how easily we slip into self-dependence mode. I have often said - real slavery according to the Bible is self-reliance. So, read the comparison list below with humility and care. It will do your soul good.

RELIGION: I obey-therefore I’m accepted.

THE GOSPEL: I’m accepted-therefore I obey.

RELIGION: Motivation is based on fear and insecurity.

THE GOSPEL: Motivation is based on grateful joy.

RELIGION: I obey God in order to get things from God.

THE GOSPEL: I obey God to get to God-to delight and resemble Him.

RELIGION: When circumstances in my life go wrong, I am angry at God or my self, since I believe, like Job’s friends that anyone who is good deserves a comfortable life.

THE GOSPEL: When circumstances in my life go wrong, I struggle but I know all my punishment fell on Jesus and that while he may allow this for my training, he will exercise his Fatherly love within my trial.

RELIGION: When I am criticized I am furious or devastated because it is critical that I think of myself as a ‘good person’. Threats to that self-image must be destroyed at all costs.

THE GOSPEL: When I am criticized I struggle, but it is not critical for me to think of myself as a ‘good person.’ My identity is not built on my record or my performance but on God’s love for me in Christ. I can take criticism.

RELIGION: My prayer life consists largely of petition and it only heats up when I am in a time of need. My main purpose in prayer is control of the environment.

THE GOSPEL: My prayer life consists of generous stretches of praise and adoration. My main purpose is fellowship with Him.

RELIGION: My self-view swings between two poles. If and when I am living up to my standards, I feel confident, but then I am prone to be proud and unsympathetic to failing people. If and when I am not living up to standards, I feel insecure and inadequate. I’m not confident. I feel like a failure.

THE GOSPEL: My self-view is not based on a view of my self as a moral achiever. In Christ I am “simul iustus et peccator”— simultaneously sinful and yet accepted in Christ. I am so bad he had to die for me and I am so loved he was glad to die for me. This leads me to deeper and deeper humility and confidence at the same time. Neither swaggering nor sniveling.

RELIGION: My identity and self-worth are based mainly on how hard I work. Or how moral I am, and so I must look down on those I perceive as lazy or immoral. I disdain and feel superior to ‘the other.’

THE GOSPEL: My identity and self-worth are centered on the one who died for His enemies, who was excluded from the city for me. I am saved by sheer grace. So I can’t look down on those who believe or practice something different from me. Only by grace I am what I am. I’ve no inner need to win arguments.

RELIGION: Since I look to my own pedigree or performance for my spiritual acceptability, my heart manufactures idols. It may be my talents, my moral record, my personal discipline, my social status, etc. I absolutely have to have them so they serve as my main hope, meaning, happiness, security, and significance, whatever I may say I believe about God.

THE GOSPEL: I have many good things in my life—family, work, spiritual disciplines, etc. But none of these good things are ultimate things to me. None of them are things I absolutely have to have, so there is a limit to how much anxiety, bitterness, and despondency they can inflict on me when they are threatened and lost.

I choose the gospel.